2009 unforgetable..... a sad thing

It's the last day of the year...
What I've do this year?
What I've experienced?

hmm..... Let's recall.
A lot of things happen actually.

This year, We are shocked by the sad news,
The NEWS that i will NEVER FORGET
One of our best friend passed away in Terengganu in an accident.
She passed away after 2 surgery.
Sad. (that's the only word i can use)
My friend Joey message me while I still in East part of the country- Sabah.
I was shocked; I though i read wrongly the message;
hence I phone back and ask: WHAT happen?
No one know. Only few people know what exactly happen.
I feel so shock, I can't accept what is happening,
I try to phone my friends, and ask: What happen?
No one give me an accurate explanation of the cause of the death.
The next day, I phone my classmate and inform them this news.
Everyone ask me the same question "What happen?"
I only said "accident, she was in the coma after surgery....Then she never open her eyes again after the 2nd surgery. "
When i keep on repeating this sentence, i start to accept the truth that: Eng Har in not with us anymore, She left! I cry during almost each phone call.
That night, i pray. But i could not continue, my heart fill the pain.
I ask God:"Why? Why is this happen? She never do wrong, everyone like her.
She is just like our angel, she always bring us smile. How can this happen?"
That night, I cried. This is the first time I cry loud after received the news.
I still remember it's a Thursday.
Two days later, after the funeral, my Godmother send me message.
She told me that she went to friend's granddaughter funeral.
She saw the picture of me in the Eng Har's album.
She ask me if i know the news,
I told her i knew, and she also explained to me what had happen........
Again I cried, I feel really sad.
After days, i recall back. I have dream before:
(I think it was the time when she was still in coma)
Eng har appear in my dream, looking to me and smile,
She said: "I'm back to home"
Now i know...
She is safe, She is back to HOME.
a HOME that really safe.
She will always be our angel, angel that bring happiness to us.

Few more shocking news,
-2 of people that i know, having cancer.
One is a friend of mine,
another is a teacher that i respect so much.
The good news is that they are recovering.
-My Godmother involve in accident,
admitted to hospital, no one tell me....
i only knew when meeting her in church 2 weeks after she discharge from hospital.
I'm sorry for unable to visit her, and be with her...

Of course, there's good news also.
-which include involving my self in the LF campus ministry, LL.
This really help me a lot in my life,
especially when i am having hard time.
-Few friends of mine getting married,
congratulation to them!

A lot of things in our life, we can not predict.
What we can do is appreciate each moment we have,
and always feel thankful for the blessing and graces given to us.

Wishing you all
Happy New Year!!!

Opportunity to be happy

every moment is an opportunity for you to be happy.

It's true. The question is what you choose?
A lot of things happen today, and you think that:
this world is so unfair;
the people around you suck;
they are terrible people!
Then you'll said:
"How am i going to be happy if i am surrounded by this type of situation/ people?
I don't think I can do it"

Well, that's true. No one feel happy when these BAD things happen
BUT, think again. Why not be happy?

Happy, because you meet these terrible people
and they teach you how to be patient;
how to be kind and forgiving!

Threat them like your teacher,
because they teach you a lesson,
and remind you that how lucky you are,
for you are not one of them lol......

Enjoy each moments,
Remember choose to be happy instead of angry.

Merry Christmas ^^

It's near, It's now,

Finally, the moment comes......
I starting to feel the tension,
When someone on leave;
someone didn't pick up the phone;
someone didn't reply my message;
someone didn't let me know that whether they accept my message in the e-mail or not.
someone have been scold because of my mistake.
and when I'm not there to settle what i need to accomplish,
and get the explanation from others.
I feel tense, stress...
I also don't know why i write the VC name on
proposal at the first place!!
I guess it's " You Get It" situation.
It's my mistake when I did not delete the name,
now we have a lot to worry, Sorry for putting you in this problem, Irene.
I don't know how to do, where to start,
what to fix, to who i can ask?

I knew it,
I knew something bad is going to happen...
My heart tell me this afternoon,
it beat so fast,
I feel worry, anxiety,
my heart Speaks asking me to prepare
because it knew something is going to happen,
my instinct is right!

Now, I am worry and lost.
I don't want to think too much,
I don't want to care,
I just want to stop thinking of it for 1 day.
I just want to surrender it to God,
That's all i can do for now.

hard? there's purpose

That's not to say it's an easy purpose, or a convenient one.

It might very well seem hard or even impossible, but it only looks that way.

The truth is that one day you will look back and see how all the pieces fit together.

And how your life has been a complete and utter success - Anonymous

This sentence is really true. A lot of times, we always feel that things that happen in our life are so tuff and complex.

Sometimes, it only looks that way….

The way we think and the way we handle things will affect our performance and the outcome.

Hard? difficult? complex you said?

Well there's purpose.

Jer 29:11 (NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,

"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Currently I went back to work at my former work place. I still remember, the last time I was there, I’m so tense and finally I mess up everything.

But this time, it’s different story. (Probably I gain my experience)

I went back and everything just seems to be okay. How easy it is!

Now I’m comparing the present and the past.

I guess the way I look on that particular issue; the way I think, will change the outcome.

Therefore, don’t think too much!

Never look down or think that what you do now is not important, everything has its own purpose!

What you learn, experience now will be a piece of key or

pictures.

At the end of the day, you will use all these pieces to complete the drawing (the picture of your life) what, how your future will be.

So remember to enjoy each moment, do and try your b

est to complete what you need to do. As I said, every pieces count, there are important, because they will affect the outcome.

Ask, Seek, Knock

I open my Bible and saw verse that remind me the Grace of God;
"Ask, and you will receive;
Seek, and you will find;
knock, and the door will be opened to you"
- Matthew 7:7

Something to share here:
(special dedicate to those who need it ^^)

You might not believe the Word of God,
but this verse can apply to all human beings.
In this verse,
[words, action, and answer] occur.
Something important over here which you do not see.
It's something that you don't see.
It's "Faith"
"To have faith is to be sure of the things we hope for,
to be certain of the things we cannot see." - Hebrews 11:1
This also mean that faith will perform miracle.
If only you believe.

1 Ask = words
when you ask, you use words.
These words represent you, your heart, your will, and your question.
2 Seek = action
after you ask, you search (action). Do what you need to do.
Take action, cause action speak louder than words.
3 Knock = answer
when someone knock the door, you will open it right?
yes, that is answer; a feedback.
If you do not knock the door;
you never know whether the owner of the house is inside or not?
It's the same when you did not open the door when someone knock the door;
you never know who is out there, if you do not open the door.

So to obtain answer, take step by step
Ask, search, knock = words, action, answer
Be brave my friend !!
Don't worry too much, everything will be all right.
Think before you speak, before you take actions;
Do it before you regret.

successful relationship

Something i read and want to share...
" A successful relationship requires falling in love many times,
always with the same person."
Always with the same person, but deeper and deeper every time.
So what's your opinion?

For me, i agree. Of course it depends on what type of situation and who to apply this concept -.-''
If you ask me my relationship with God = Muy bien!! (very Good in spanish)
He always make me glad, prepare me and listen to me....stand by and take good care of me... wah if only i have boyfriend like that ....

If apply to BF/GF that kind of people.. hmm
i think situation counts.

If your are in a relationship, it is a very good advice.

If you like me, single/been dump/rejected. Then SORRY la...
i don't think this advice helps. it make you feel more pain!
You see, when u being rejected,
falling in love again with the same person gives you more pain.
you feel more sad, and disappointing.
so the advice:
If you think you've reached the end, stop generalizing.

birthday gifts!!

My birthday gifts from 2 best friend. the most early one ^^
From see Mun :
the second one from Hsin, guess what is it?
is umbrella!!!

working tomorrow

tired.... tomorrow need to go work
T.T
i want sleep.....ZzZzZz.....
lazy o...

Psalms 55:22

Cast your burden on the Lord and He will sustain you;
He will never allow the righteous to be moved.
- Psalms 55:22

Whenever I am in trouble or worry, He is always there.
He send His people to bring His news,
that He will help me, He will guide me
and He will provide.
Annas said " Be confidence but stay humble!"
-Confidence for He is here for us
-Humble, for the Father loves those who are humble.
Worry ends when faith begins.
Yes, have faith and let Him walk with you......

i'm back

i'm back.......
looks like this blog really need update...
sorry my dear blog... for abounding u for quite a long time...

project

At last, I have my opportunity to do my own project. To become a chairman is easy, but to be the best and make your project smooth and excellent; it’s really not an easy job. I think back, did I make wrong decision by accepting the offer at first? I’m not a good leader, a lot of weakness, and my temper and emotion always control me. Can I really do it? I doubt, I wandering, but I didn’t reject it. “YET” it’s really a good opportunity, not only involving my course members, but also big company such as Shell. It is something interesting and fun, I’m actually looking forward to it, but at the same times worries conquer my mind…
-.- O God, help me….and guide me…
01:29, 5/8/09

STRESS

Feeling stress,
Carrying big responsibilities.
I’m worry, I worry that the responsibilities I carry now will influence my study and exam result just like last time. When this feeling occur, I suddenly remember my friends. Friends that always with me.
Who always support me and help me a lot.
When I’m out for duty/ meeting, they always help me take note, and remind me when to pass up my homework or inform me the test.
Now, I’m alone in this journey. I have to do it all by myself. Can I really do it? Can I beer? Can I handle it with patient? Am I strong enough to go through?
……………..
00:32, 29/7/09

headache

Headache…..
Really feeling tired, stress, and tension.
A lot of things to be done this semester, proposal, paper work, lab report, study,
A lot until I realize that I kind of “forgotten” my spiritual life. My spiritual life that lead me the way. The Light that provides me the strength to go on, I forget to ask strength from Him, and I forget to thank Him for everyday He had prepared for me. O God, forgive me.
My paper work and proposal not yet start doing, still waiting the complete details. Save me from this tension……

tension

Tension…. Proposal not yet done, not even start…
The chairman also has no idea about the information of the program?
I miss home, just phone back just now.
After phone call my tears come out..
I just miss…
Hai…=.=”
Jia you la..

i miss home

It has been the second week for me in Sabah.
This time I miss my home “faster” then last time. Probably it was the impact from the 6 weeks long holiday, or it might be the conscious of loving family. I guess it doesn’t matter for me anymore if I work offshore, oversea, going around the world exploring, as long as I got work. At this moment, I don’t really mind working near to hometown anymore. I started to feel the importance of my family and life over there. Time is really short; you never know what is important and what your precious jewels are until you lost them. For the pass few months’ death and bad news occur in my life and my friend’s also. I started to realize that I’m getting into adulthood, or another word: getting older.
Many things will change, and you won’t be able to stop or change them. But yet something that we can do is to appreciate while you still can.

Consious

Have you ever think back after you make a decision?
I did
Well, sometimes you will question yourself: why I make this decision at first? If I think back I feel that I make the wrong decision. OR it seems that you already forget why you make the decision at first.
Few days ago, I’ve been thinking, wandering, and questioning myself: did I make a wrong decision? Then I remember someone told me that “Now” is more important than “Pass” and “Future”. This three word created by conscious. Well conscious allow you to realize that you are thinking for these three situations. When you are making decision, what’s important is NOW. ‘Future’ is important but no one knows what will happen in “future”. “Pass” was not so important, because what had happen was a pass. Conscious allow you to forgive, since it already “pass”,
conscious allow you to aware, since “future” is coming,
and conscious allow you enjoy, since “now” is this moment that only occur once in a lifetime.
So don’t feel guilty or sorry after making decisions, the feelings and conscious of needs that occur that time were the elements that actually influence your decision. Whatever happens, I still believe God is there, for every bad thing that happens it will bring goodness or meaning. You will not know if you do not choose to believe that god is there, He did it for you, not to harm you but to give you blessings.

advice for myself

very meaningful, don't really remember where i get it from..
Well seem like "useful" for my current situation, after get (bad)result.

Never lose faith
ya, is important to believe that's reason.
Reason : you did not study well

Never lose hope
ya, that is always A's hope(s) IF YOU REALLY TRY YOUR BEST

Always have faith
exactly! have faith you will do well next time.
IF you throw away the LAZINESS, and carry HARDWORKING with you.

It allows you to cope
Yes, because your best friend with you.

Trying time will pass as they always do
It's because time never stop.

Just have patience
Patience is a very POWERFUL SOURCE of strength

Your dreams will come true
IF you really WORK HARD and try the VERY BEST.

So put on a smile
:)

You’ll live through your pain
Yes, LIVE through.

Know it will pass
And strength your will again.

O God my God...save me...

having hard time....

No matter what happen. we will go through together.
Yes we will, He will give us strength.

sian..

very boring ar.........
next week back Sabah...

field work - reports

Since I'm free, I will recall back and make my blog an "recording"
of my 3 levels field works in Sabah Stratigraphic and few others field works
during the last semester.

Structural Geology
The subject looks so easy, especially for those who like arts, because in this subject we are required to draw. Drawing is not easy, but the result is good. Observing the 3D picture drawing by yourself really make yourself proud, you'll said "I could not believe i can draw so well!"
Exam? Just draw what you understand and practice, a bit of explanation will make it clear. That's what people said "A picture means million of words"
The hard part? Well to be honest, I am not really expert in using a compass. -.-"
The hard part is that you are required to collect data (readings), how many? Minimum 450 - 500 readings. -.-"

Next is the Sabah Stratigraphic field work:
Level 1:
21 March
The first location is the South part of Sabah - Kuala Penyu
Turtle?? I didn't really see any in my field, i just saw 3 little turtle statue, which is the landmark of Kuala Penyu. The field we went is truly amazing! It was something that i never seen before, it really make me feel how small are we.

22 March
The second location is the North part of Sabah - Kudat
The Tip of Borneo, tanjung Simpang Mengayau.
It's really hot here. everytimes i come here my tempere raise to maximum.....
feel like been "stim" a place that make u feel appear in both place in the same time. standing at the highest place, seeing 2 seas at the same time, which are South China Sea and Sulu Sea.

Level 2:
18 April and 19 April
These two days is quite fun as we have the opportunity to visit Kundasang.
Of course we just "pass by", our location is Ranau, a village that fill with "red soil" then another location which we need to go under the bridge.




Level 3:
9-13 May
5 days trip which required spending night in hotel.
the location? Telupid-Lahad Datu-Sandakan-Tawau
the best part in this trip is that i have the oppotunity to see wth my own eyes, the small volkanik kon. The colour of the soil is really beautiful (my opinion), it looks like layer cake.
The worse?
even though we went to a lot places, but we never visit any "interesting" places.
places special for tourism. -.-"

Conclusion:
-photo by smGoh
It's fun when you travel, even though when people visit muzium and you just visit the place where people fishing, or where people pass by. The places we visit, is not crowded, and most of all; it's free! Nothing much to enjoy, but the joy and fun are the feelings that bring out from human being. what we see, we understand than others, for you it might just "something" that does not mean anything. But if you do understand, and know what is infront of you, you will definetely enjoy, and amaze with it's natural beauty.

Love The Earth ^^

2nd week

2nd week of holiday, free from assignment, free from lecture,
no more lab, most important no more under hot sun!
Now my mind is empty, what i should do next? (No Se) i don't know.
A bit tired and sleepy, all the times? hmm
planning to launching gotong-royong tomorrow, to clean my room
and to "take care" of those old friend of mine.
well wish me luck!

back...

can't believe i break the record.. haha...
really long time didn't logging already
really busy this sem. i might not like others have a lot of assignment, but as for me this sem more field work. under hot sun, travel a lot. during this field woork, i really enjoy myself.
ya, it's tired after coming back need to transfer video, picture than do report again...
but yes, i'm happy and feel the fun in the process. i've been to the North and South part of Sabah. It's really amazing. East and South-East of Sabah is really nice and of course formation of the rock mostly influence by the volkanik.
i'm happy because was given opportunity to visit to a lot of place. Beach, rivers, volkanol kon, cave, hill, been to a lot of places just to see ROCK! haiz.... so hard got the oppotunity to Tawau, Sandakan....but no time to play also....
it's ok, i'll have the oppotunity.

the smile

It’s been second day we feel the lost, the lost of our friend. The laughter, her voice calling my name, her face, her smile, I will always remember. It’s hard to accept that she’s gone and never come back again. The lost cause by an accident was really unexpected, many of us still can’t accept the fact that she is gone, she left us. We all are sad, she is really a good person and never made anyone angry or dislike the way she behave. She is like an angel for us, who always have a smile on her face.
Maybe it’s hard to accept, or is it we don’t want to accept? Accept meaning we have to let go, let her go in peace, rest in peace. But it doesn’t mean if we accept the true that she is gone, we forget her. No, she will always be in our heart and she will live in the memories we share together. We will always remember her, we will meet her again someday, if you believe. It’s hard to believe, yes it’s true that you don’t want to mention it at all. But it already happen, we can’t change it and we just have to accept. Accept and let her go in peace………..

useless

I never though that it’s difficult for me to use my own imagination in lab. Yes, I do have good imagination, but when I’m in crystallography I’m stuck. This subject really require high imagination to understand, because if you didn’t hold your block nicely and accurate, you wouldn’t find what you want. Today in lab, I try to hold and imagine, my friend explain to me again and again, yet I still can’t get where is the place I should hold and find the symmetry line for that system. I look on the block and start thinking the point that I want, again and again I find but was disappointed by my own imagination. I feel like crying at that moment, I ask myself: why I can not imagine such simple things? I’m so useless. Everyone can do it and I’m left behind. What should I do? I don’t know. Worries flows in me, making me disappointed and create the feeling of giving up. But at the same time, I’m scared, my mind telling me not to give up. I feel very cool and I don’t know what to do anymore………

a date with internet

Yesterday is 14 Febuary, it’s a good day for me but of course not for a date. What I mean is that at last!! I got wireless already in my hostel block. But yet only when I sit at the stairs I get….but it’s consider ok if compare to taking 2 minute walk to café, just to get wireless. Here is a nice place also, at my left is the Crocker formation and mount Kinabalu, the right side is hill. The wireless is a bit slow but safer for us who like to online during the day. Thank God…

CNY

It’t 21 Jan, and few more days to go before Chinese New Year. This year’s celebration will be different I guess. It’s my first Chinese new year celebration without family members, especially my father. Celebrate it or not maybe doesn’t matter to me anymore. I’ve forgotten since when the Chinese New Year “mood” is not in me. A lot of things changes since She’s gone, we just go on and she will be in our heart’s forever. I don’t really like to celebrate this festival with my family member honestly, friends maybe yes. Since it’s the time for us to take a break from our school home work and busy schedule, everyone will come back and we meet each other. Since this year I’m not going back to hometown, and I’ll be in East Malaysia for few more months before my 1st sem break. A lot of things to do in this sem, it’s short and currently I’m still behind the schedule, I’ve to use the next coming Chinese New Year holiday to catch up all the lesson and study I’ll left behind. It’s a good opportunity, since mid term is soon. Just want to wish all my friend Happy Chinese New Year, (even if you don’t celebrate Ms nytah) but New Year still “New” let’s start a new plan and create a new hope. Well Obama is now the President of US, a lot of things is impossible, so let’s do it. Create new Hopes, and God Bless ^^