time, more time

It’s been a long time I didn’t update my blog.
Too busy, too many things happen in my life.
I’m sick, wounded, unstable; physically, mentally, and sadly spiritually.
I have reached my highest peak in this 2 and half year in here.
I don’t have free weekdays, not even weekends.
My days are full of works, assignments, and unfinished lab work.
I don’t even have time for myself, a quiet time.
No I don’t.
My free time spends in lab, ministry, and I don’t even start my thesis yet.
I’m unable to control myself anymore, unable to do things or handle things right.
I don’t have my own boundaries; i don’t have structure.
Finally, I fall.
That night I cried as laugh I want, I don’t care if others are looking,
I ran out from YPC and I cried.
I was unable to control anymore;
Vonne is there for me, so as Ester.
Thank God they are there for me......
So many things happen, and so many quarrel among people I work with.
It’s really painful when you fall and unable to take control;
unable to do something to stop it.
It really hurts me when i’m unable to stop it,
when people around me did not understand me,
when people accused you, when people treat you the way you shouldn’t be.
It does hurt....
Even when I seat in the bus, or walk to class,
when I think about it; my tears still...

But Thank God,
everything is 40 % better now compare to last week.
So much strength He gave to me.
I’m still able to continue, and I believe everything will be better.
I just need time.
Time to settle the issues, works, reports, FYP
and most important time for myself.

I will sing

Artist - Don Moen
Album - I Will Sing
Lyrics - I Will Sing

Lord You seem so far away.
A million miles or more it feels today.
And though I haven't lost my faith,
I must confess right now that it's hard for me to pray.
But I don't know what to say and I don't know where to start.
But as you give the grace with all that's in my heart.

I will sing.
I will praise even in my darkest time through the sorrow and the pain.
I will sing.
I will praise.
Lift my hands to honor You because Your word is true.
I will sing.

Lord is hard for me to see all the thought and plan You have for me.
But I will put my trust in You.
Lord will meet Your guide to set me free.
But I don't know what to say and I don't know where to start.
But as you give the grace with all that's in my heart.

I will sing.
I will praise even in my darkest time through the sorrow and the pain.
I will sing.
I will praise.
Lift my hands to honor You because Your word is true.
I will sing.